Diary of a Mad Fat White Woman

I have come to the conclusion that I need to loose weight. I am 35 years old, 237 pounds and feel like an old woman.  I don't feel good about my self, don't feel comfortable in my skin and am SICK of being tired all the time. 

My husband, sweet man that he is, has always told me that he "loves me just the way I am".  I shoulda known that was code for "your fat woman deal with it!"  You see, we don't have big mirrors in our house, so I have been walking around for 2.5 years blissfully unaware of the size of my muffin top.  I have always known I am a larger woman, but in recent time have really started to pack on the pounds, although it is amazing what you believe about yourself when you don't have to come face to face with it in a mirror.  Coming to my mom's house for the summer has been a good wake up call for me because the woman has mirrors EVERYWHERE!!!  I can't hide! Also I saw a full body picture of myself that my dad took in April when he came to visit Zambia and I was MORTIFIED you guys!  I couldn't believe it.  At first I was really mad at my husband for not telling me, but then I realized that "DUH YOU DOPE, HE ISN'T GOING TO TELL YOU BECAUSE MAYBE HE REALLY DOES LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE!"

So, as of Friday, July 8, 2011 I have become a bonafide card carrying member of Weight Watchers.

I have learned very quickly that in my journey to loose weight I am going to have to uncover areas of my life that I have used food to pack away.  For example, the other day it was a stressful morning, but as soon as I could, with out a thought in my head, I ran and bought a 1.5 pound bag of Reese's Pieces and proceeded to inhale 3/4 of the dumb thing.  WITHOUT THOUGHT  Then when the bag was empty (I did give my kids some) I had a revelation.  I eat when I am stressed out!!!  Then realized "Myranda, you feel sick!"  It was fun for a moment to eat the candy, but then I payed the price for it the rest of the day when the sugar wore off.  Not to mention that was A LOT of candy.  It sounds trite, don't all women do that?  But it was eye opening for me.  I don't fill the void with Jesus, I fill it with food!  How is that any different from the dude who snorts cocaine or the lady who likes to drink a 5th of vodka? 

So, please pray for me as I need the courage to walk down this path.  Some might call it "Discovery", some "Enlightenment".  I choose to call it "JESUS!!"

Ok, I need to go get ready for my Weight Watchers meeting!! 

resting

We would like to officially give everyone a big H-O-W-D-Y from the U.S.A.  We have been throughouly enjoying our break and are actually feeling rested.  It has been awesome to get reconnected with old friends and catch up on that has gone on in everyone’s lives over the past few years

Looking back on the past few years in Zambia, we have been amazed at God’s mighty hand of provision and grace in our lives.  From surgeries, to out reaches, to everything that life involves, God has been SO faithful and we can say with good assurance that we wouldn’t have done it any other way.  We have grown, the Lord has tested us and we have become different people.  (I know my husband is happy about that!) 

Our expectations of ministry, of ourselves, of God even, have had to be refined, and in some cases ripped down, so that the Lord can come and give us his perspective and understanding.  How often do we put our own weird spin on things and mess up what the Lord wants to do in and through us?  How often to do over complicate His purpose in our lives?  How often do we hold onto to the sinking ship of our flesh and Jesus has to come along and smack our hands to make us let go before the ship goes down?

We can say now that these past 3.5 years have represented a death for us, death to ourselves, our expectations, our desires…..and it is beautiful in the sight of God.  We sense in our hearts a new chapter is about to unfold.

One way we are going to move forward in our new chapter of the Morales Madness is we are going to Colorado in July to the Missionary Training International program.  There they equip missionaries incoming and out going, with the tools required to cope with all the crazy changes that take place.  It is a big toll on a family to make a change like this and we are praying that at MTI we will gain some valuable insight in moving forward.  Would you pray with us that God provides a way for us to get out there?  We need to be there from July 17^th through the 25^th. 

Luis and I are also praying about how we move forward with outreach to the street kids.  We have some ideas in mind, but are praying and seeing what direction the Lord will have us go in, so please pray for wisdom and direction.  We will keep you guys up dated as the Lord shows us the steps to take. 

We love you all and want to hug each and everyone of you! 

PLEASE CALL US TO SAY HI!!!  You can reach us at 973-615-6794.  We would LOVE LOVE to hear from you and find out how you all are doing! 

Much love,

Luis, Myranda, Amira, Hannah and Brooklyn Rose

rest and reflections

We have been home for a week and it feels so surreal on many levels.  We are SO happy to be home, but I think we have entered that dreaded reversed culture shock that all missionaries hate.  Life has moved on with out us and we have to find a way to fit in.  People have gotten married, had babies, gone through their stuff and have changed.  New people have come, old people have gone.  We went to church on Tuesday and I was so overwhelmed by everything that I had to have a good cry.   NYC moves SO DANG FAST!!!  I didn’t realize how accustomed I have become to an African life style.  Things revolve around the people in Africa while things revolve around the event in NYC.  No one is right or wrong, it is simple cultural differences.  I do see how we can learn from each other though. 

My goal for this time home is to work on my health;  physically, spiritually, and mentally.  Get reconnected with friends and just rest.  I want to loose weight, feel better about myself and just let the Word of God sooth my soul.  It has been a difficult 2.5 years and I want to make sure that I sit and properly reflect and learn.  

My Rose with no thorns

Um....Myranda, who is that kid and why are we looking at her broken arm?

Well, that is my youngest daughter Brooklyn Rose Morales.....I thought it might be fun to show you then and now pictures over the course of the next few days and talk about the changes that have gone on.  (ALSO, I am trying to play around with this thing and learn how to make a groovy looking blog)  Let me know what you think......

This photo was taken about one month before we departed for Zambia when Brooklyn was about 14 months old.  August '07 to be precise.   She was wiggling around and fell off a bed and WHAMO, fractured her wrist.  I thought for sure they were going to take her away, but alas the nurse didn’t take my daughter away and Brookie is none the worse for the wear.  We had to delay our departure by 4 weeks, but all's well that ends well..or however that silly saying goes.

Little foot note, Brookie got out of TWO, yes I said it TWO full arm casts during the course of her treatment.  The doctor told me that in all the years of pediatric orthopedic practice he has NEVER seen a kid at her age get out of TWO casts.  I just calmly nodded my head and said WELL THATS MY BROOKIE ROSE!!!  

Watermelons and Obedience

Through the death of our beloved Pastor David Wilkerson and the loss that has left in all of our lives, I am sure it has given many of us pause to consider the impact our own lives are making.  Will people say “WOW SHE WAS AN AMAZING WOMAN WHO MADE AN IMPACT FOR CHRIST IN HER LIFE?”  I don’t know, but I have realized that I worry to much about what people think, and to many times that has made me afraid in being more bold in sharing the gospel.   

As I was pondering this thought the other day I stopped at a road side stand to buy some watermelons for my kids.  There was a man there who came up to sell them to me.  He had no front teeth, had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and was holding the Zambian equivalent to two Thunder Bird beers in his arms.  They call it Shake Shake.  NASTY stuff!  Anyway, to make a long story short I decided to go for it and began to share the love of Jesus with him.  I told him about how God has a plan for his life and that he is destroying himself with that aweful stuff.  Before I knew it there was a small crowd around me and I was having church with these precious people.  It was so simple, all I wanted to do was buy watermelon for my children and God brought an opportunity right to my face to share Jesus with some lost and hurting souls.  I left feeling elated and joy filled.  It was AWESOME!!  How many times have I walked right by someone that Jesus Christ has died for and has PUT in my path because he wanted me to see His power at work in their lives?  God met us there right next to that watermelon stand and I watched the love of God touch lives!  It ROCKED.   

Pastor David’s life was lived in simple obedience to what God has told him to do.  He was told to go to NYC to minister to the gangs in the 50’s so he did it.  He was told to start Teen Challenge and he did it....the list goes on and on.  He NEVER sought fame and glory for himself and ALWAYS ALWAYS gave ALL the glory to Jesus.  

He and Sister Gwen choose to take up their crosses and follow Jesus.  They have suffered well for the name of Christ.  I want to suffer well for the name of Jesus, don’t you?

GET THE MORALES FAMILY OUTTA ZAMBIA FOR A BREAK CAMPAIGN

It’s been almost two and a half years since the Morales family has been in the United States. Thank you guys for supporting us and making it possible for us to serve in Zambia with the street children...

It has been no small challenge these last couple of years. Most mission agencies and resources estimate a three to five year adjustment period for those serving in foreign fields. Guess what: it’s pretty dang close.We are just now feeling like we are getting a handle on things here. Cross-cultural ministries can be tough like that. But we look back on these last three years and recognize that God has been in control of everything.There is no wasted time, unless we ourselves choose to waste it. God works all things together for good to them that love him and are called according to his purpose (I can say that this is for you guys as well as for us).

There are also resources that talk about how Tactical Field Operatives (my new term for missionary,TFOs) are affected as individuals and as a family. In short, batteries tend to die after prolonged use. Jesus himself, when confronted and literally touched with a chronically ill woman’s needs, says he felt power going out of him.That is the long-term cost of ministr y. As you pour out, you have to depend upon the Holy Spirit to pour back in.

In short, we need a break. Our vessels are running on fumes, our meters are bordering on red. Our family is very much in need of a geographical break as well. I know, I know, “those roughnecks that started the China Inland Mission back in the 1800s didn’t get a break for years, AND they had no email, no online baggage check-in for the flight, no 3G USB internet thingies.”We grew up in the 80’s, whaddya want from us?

THE POINT

We still feel called to the streets of Lusaka and street children.We still see that there is a need.We are praying about how to meet that need. But before we can re-engage, we need to be engaged ourselves.We need to be poured into, our oil needs to be changed, and we need to just chill in a familiar environment and hear what the Lord is speaking.

THE CHALLENGE

Plane tickets, for a family of five returning to the States, round trip, are somewhere north of 7,500 USD and somewhere south of 9Gs (ouch).

We need to raise that much to return home and be able to return to Zambia. We recognize that ALOT of you guys have sacrificed much to give to this work, and it is very difficult to send out a plea in these times of economic adversity (the President’s words, not mine).

Well, that’s all for now. If you feel inclined (or led) to give, you can do so online at https://www.tscnyc.org/ donate_tsc.php. Click on “Make a One Time Gift,” than click “Missions - Give Toward Someones Trip” on the drop down menu.There should be a field appearing directly underneath that says Missionary First and Last Name.That would be us.

Our target for going home is end of May, beginning of June.Thanks so much for your support. See you soon.

Emotional Peanuts

Last night our 6 year old daughter was telling me about this little girl who is very.....how shall I put this?........very un-decided about Hannah’s friendship to her.  One day she is Hannah’s best friend and the next day she has decided that Hannah can’t be her friend anymore.  Why are women so fickle?  Needless to say that this has left Hannah very confused and frustrated.  She is a very upfront child who has always been sure of who she is and what her life is all about.  It is one of the things about Hannah that I respect.  So, to have little girls constantly changing their minds about her has just about pushed my poor middle child over the edge as she has never had to experience this in her short little life before.  She is coming from the point of view that everyone must view life through the same transparent guileless lenses that she does.  

As they were outside at school yesterday having snack, and after having broken my poor transparent daughter’s heart yet again with her fickleness, she goes up to Hannah asking if she would share her peanuts that I had packed in her snack.  Hannah said “No!”  then turned around and went about her day.  “WHY would I want to share my peanuts with someone who doesn’t value my friendship!?”  (6 year olds don’t have the maturity to put that into words, but flow with me here)  

So, quickly I said a prayer in my mind “LORD I NEED WISDOM NOW FOR THIS ONE!”  

I was proud of her for standing up for herself, you see because Hannah would take her wanting peanuts as a sign of friendship and would then place herself in a position of being hurt.  I do the same thing all the time.  This person just wounded me, but I have something they want, so all of a sudden I am their best friend.  So I think “Surely, I must have been mistaken before.”  Then I get myself into a place of pouring out and never getting poured back into.  Then when the person has used up all my “peanuts”  I get sucker punched in the gut and am left a quivering mass of emotion and wondering what it was that I did wrong.  I begin to feel as if I am responsible for the other persons responses and issues.  Follow me?  Does anyone identify with where I am going?  

Basically what I am trying to get at is that I see in Hannah an issue that the Lord is getting at in me.  And it has motivated me all the more to get into God’s word about it and find the solution there.  It also excited me because I can see how God is using the pain of my own experiences in this area to help my daughter along.  

I can hear the questions “YOU MEAN MISSIONARIES DON’T WALK AROUND ON A FLUFFY PINK CLOUD OF LOVE AND MERCY ALL THE TIME!?”  Let me tell you something that might shock the socks off you.....Being a missionary in Africa has been the MOST difficult struggle because I have had to come face to face with so much in my own life that I had carefully hidden, unknowingly, in the States.  

So, we talked about it.  We talked about what Jesus would want her to do.....would she want her to share the peanuts with someone who has hurt her feelings?  YES!  BUT Hannah doesn’t have to get put in a place of, for lack of a better term, emotional abuse.  She is valuable in God’s eyes and so is that other child!  God wants us to have boundaries, but he wants us to walk in love and grace.  

Do you need to “share peanuts” with someone today?  I know it is hard....and I don’t know what that looks like for each one of us..maybe that means every time you are tempted to dwell on the hurt, commit to pray for the person.....maybe it means to go out for coffee with them,  maybe you need to write a letter,  I don’t know!  But listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and he will guide you and give you what you need! 

Choose love and joy and choose to forgive and God will give you what you need to accomplish what He has commanded of you!  

SO GET OUT THERE AND SHARE SOME PEANUTS TODAY!!!!