Sunday, November 11, 2012

When my heart is over whelmed....

Forgiveness is a complex, difficult, emotional situation to wade least we make it that way.

Some days the pain, rejection and heart ache that we have experienced threatens to take our breathe away.  Is there anything more painful that to be mis represented and misunderstood by a friend?  We have all, in one way or another experienced such moment.  If you are anything like me, you are so hurt that you react with your fists up and want so badly to right the wrong that you are labeled as fanatical and a bit loony, when in your heart of hearts all you want is to be understood.  Some of us retreat into a shell of isolation and simply bury the whole thing down in a blanket of denial and get busy working in hopes that it will just all go away one day...or prayerfully the offending party with simply move.....HHAA!!!!!  Both are wrong and both are damaging. 

If it isn’t dealt with properly in the light of the word of God it WILL turn into a cancer of the soul.  For me, the pain has run so deep that it has made me distrustful, leery and a bit cynical.   Thoughts like.....“Why would I want to open my heart to you if you are just going to turn around and use it against me?”  and others have run through my head at an alarming rate.  That ain’t cool!  

For a few years I have actually done a pretty bang up job of hiding the whole thing.  But, recently God has been putting the whole issue in my face at an alarming rate.  Sermons, readings, letters, phone calls, bumping into people.....I was even told by a trusted friend, “Myranda if you don’t deal with this properly it will eat at your soul and disqualify you from hearing God’s voice.”  THEN that after noon I read “Unforgiveness if a cancer that if left untreated will be passed onto your children and the fall out for them is worse”. THEN, after Hurricane Sandy hit I listened to a Pastor Dave sermon called “Getting ready for the End of All Things” (felt the title was appropriate for the moment)....would you believe the entire sermon was dealing with unforgiveness?  He basically was saying that the time is short and we don’t have the head space to deal with bitterness and all it brings.  So just leave it with Jesus and walk away from it.  BOOM, that simple!  

God enlightened my heart and gave me the courage and the grace to let go of my pride.  So what if I am misunderstood, I don’t EVER want to NOT hear God’s voice!!!!!!  I realized that I was holding onto the pain as a security blanket and that it was defining me.  I realized with a jolt that my life was beginning to be defined by the hurt.  NOO!!!!!!  God forgive me!!!!!!!!!  I want my life to be defined by God’s presence and joy.  I want my life to be defined by Jesus!!!!!!!  

It was like OK GOD I GET THE POINT!!!!!!  Now give me the courage to deal with this properly, check my wounded pride at the door, not seek justification, but seek a pure heart and obedience to your word.  HELP!!!!! 

Here is the heart of the matter.....Yes, we are at the end of time, and Jesus has much for us to do.  Do you want your heart to be hindered from the voice of the Holy Spirit by holding onto hurt.....yes, I understand that the hurt was undeserved and that the person who offended was in the wrong.  But holding onto it doesn’t do ANY BODY ANY GOOD!  It only serves to damage you!  

Forgive and let God deal with the consequences.  His shoulders are big enough to handle it!  Forgive and let the stripes of Jesus heal your wounded soul.  


Getting Ready for the End of All Things

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