Sunday, October 20, 2013

painful memories bring freedom

Last week I found myself in a situation of my own design.  I had said something stupid and irresponsible.  As SOON AS THE WORDS FLEW OUT OF MY MOUTH all I could think was “Myranda!  THAT WASN’T YOUR FINEST MOMENT!  DUMB!” 

So, I tried to go back and fix the problem and it went from bad to worse.  

Because the other person didn’t respond in the loving gracious way I was expecting to my apology, I got upset and a vicious cycle of trying to get the last word in ensued.  I said something, they said something, so on and so forth.  It was ugly.  

After emotions cooled and rational thought took its rightful place once again a memory bubbled to the surface.    One of which that I would have rather kept hidden in the deep recesses of my brain, but God in His infinite mercy and love brought it up.  

I had been wronged and the person who had wronged me was trying to come and make restitution.  I was legitimately hurt and my heart felt bruised from what had happened.  But, when my friend came to me with a humble apologetic heart, did I accept it?  NO!  I just rubbed her face back in the hurt and wanted so desperately to make sure she knew how hurt and wronged I felt.  How righteously indignant I felt over the offense.  So, we went into that cycle I mentioned above where we both tried to get the upper hand.  AWEFUL!!!!!!!  GROSS!!! 

I wonder in those moments if God just has to shake his head in sadness.  (kinda like those days when your kids won’t stop picking at each other and all you can do is stand back and see who comes out standing) 

That recollection was a hard one to walk through.  I wanted to stuff it back down, but I could sense God’s gracious loving hand taking my hands away from my eyes and forcing me to see what was ultimately for my benefit.  It humbled me to the point of worship!  You know what I mean?  Those moments when the light of Jesus points into an area of your heart that needs, that MUST be exposed in order for your life to move on in Christ?  It HURTS, but when the moment of surrender comes and you see yourself TRULY in the light of all God has for you and how He sees you it causes true and pure worship to bubble forth.   


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