painful memories bring freedom

Last week I found myself in a situation of my own design.  I had said something stupid and irresponsible.  As SOON AS THE WORDS FLEW OUT OF MY MOUTH all I could think was “Myranda!  THAT WASN’T YOUR FINEST MOMENT!  DUMB!” 

So, I tried to go back and fix the problem and it went from bad to worse.  

Because the other person didn’t respond in the loving gracious way I was expecting to my apology, I got upset and a vicious cycle of trying to get the last word in ensued.  I said something, they said something, so on and so forth.  It was ugly.  

After emotions cooled and rational thought took its rightful place once again a memory bubbled to the surface.    One of which that I would have rather kept hidden in the deep recesses of my brain, but God in His infinite mercy and love brought it up.  

I had been wronged and the person who had wronged me was trying to come and make restitution.  I was legitimately hurt and my heart felt bruised from what had happened.  But, when my friend came to me with a humble apologetic heart, did I accept it?  NO!  I just rubbed her face back in the hurt and wanted so desperately to make sure she knew how hurt and wronged I felt.  How righteously indignant I felt over the offense.  So, we went into that cycle I mentioned above where we both tried to get the upper hand.  AWEFUL!!!!!!!  GROSS!!! 

I wonder in those moments if God just has to shake his head in sadness.  (kinda like those days when your kids won’t stop picking at each other and all you can do is stand back and see who comes out standing) 

That recollection was a hard one to walk through.  I wanted to stuff it back down, but I could sense God’s gracious loving hand taking my hands away from my eyes and forcing me to see what was ultimately for my benefit.  It humbled me to the point of worship!  You know what I mean?  Those moments when the light of Jesus points into an area of your heart that needs, that MUST be exposed in order for your life to move on in Christ?  It HURTS, but when the moment of surrender comes and you see yourself TRULY in the light of all God has for you and how He sees you it causes true and pure worship to bubble forth.   

IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT CHRIST HAS SET US FREE!!!

life lessons according to Anne of Greene Gables

Monday morning......sigh.  Can I just climb back in bed and try again tomorrow?

May I be transparent for a moment?

Lets just say I failed the "Fruit of the Spirit" exam last week.  It all peaked in a flurry of emotion and frustration on Wednesday and then again yesterday.   If there was ever a week I could rewind and do all over again, it was last week.

So, this morning I sit here, trying to get the gumption to face a new week and quotes from Anne of Greene Gables keeps running through my head.

Anne had just made a mess of things and she was pouring her heart out to her teacher and mentor Miss Stacey.  Who among us didn't love Miss Stacey!?  Would that we all had a Miss Stacey in our lives!

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” 

(Ok, so that isn't the picture from the scene, but I couldn't find the

 screen shot...don't judge, I had a bad week .... :-P )

I can relate to Anne on so many levels.  She had the best of intentions, just kept getting herself into trouble with out even trying to, and being horribly misunderstood in the process.

 Who didn't love the scene in the movie where she dyed her hair green on accident.  ( I accidentally died my hair eggplant purple at one stage)
 

  If I were Anne I probably would have accidentally gotten my best friend drunk as well, thinking I was only giving her raspberry cordial.

Sigh...if only life were as easy at an Anne of Greene Gables novel....

(do you ever feel like you walk through life with that forlorn look on your face all the time? That was me yesterday, for shizzle! )

But alas, life is much more complicated.

Last night I sat with my good friend Kate and we laid our hearts out to one another.  And couple of things that came up in our conversation is this....

1. God loves us no matter what!  Nothing can separate me from his love!  The reality of that simple truth washed over my battered and bruised soul last night and comforted me in a way that nothing else could.
 
2. God  understands that we are going to have bad days, or several of them strung together like a tacky cheap necklace.  All he wants is for us to come to him with a willing and transparent heart.  He wants for us to allow him to soothe the bruises and mend the rips.  I think it is how we handle ourselves in the aftermath.  Prayerfully to learn some avoidance tactics in the future so as not to walk down that particular path again.

So, buck up folks.......in the immortal words of Miss Stacey

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” 

Humpty Dumpty feel down today

This morning I said a stupid thing to someone and as soon as it came out of my mouth I thought 

"Myranda, that was REAL DUMB, you need to fix it!"  So, I attempted to rectify the situation and it went from bad to worse.....lets just say the whole event didn't play out in reality in the way the conversation went in my head.  The other person was pretty offended, and to be honest, I don't blame them one bit.  

Letting words fly out of our mouths and dropping eggs have the same effect.  You have to clean up the mess, but you can't put Humpty Dumpty back together....

Sometimes I wish God would render me mute ( I know my husband feels that way at times).  But as that probably won't happen anytime soon, my prayer is "God help me to exercise self control and humility!  Help me to put up and shut up!"  

So, when I got home and cried a bit, the Lord told me one word.....Humility.  Humility is the key!  It doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong at that point.  Humility is the key!  So, I prayed and dove in one more time and God be praised, all is well.  I didn't attempt to try and explain my side or what ever, I just said how sincerely sorry I was for hurting them.  

Funny thing is....or ironic maybe.....yesterday in my quiet time I was praying "Lord help me to walk humbly"  BBBWWWAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  Careful what you pray for!  The Lord IS listening!  

FUN RUNS AND CRAZY TIMES!

Finally, I have 5 minutes to sit down and put two thoughts together.  This month has gone by in a HUGE blur of activity.  I am sitting here in a quiet house in my husbands sweats wondering “What on earth is happening?”

Let me back up a tad.....A few weeks ago there was a fund raiser for STREETWISE that a couple of fabulous ladies from our church in Zambia set into motion.  Ilke Greene approached Luis and I back in August and asked if we wouldn’t mind if she and Nikki did something like this.  Um....SURE THANG!!!  

(We have been praying and praying and praying for God to lay the burden and passion for street kids on others hearts in the church, to come along side in what capacity they feel they can offer and walk with us on this crazy journey we have found ourselves on.  Some want to help prepare food, some want to fundraise, some want to go on the outreaches.  But all want to be a part in someway.  It is awesome!)

Then the night of the fundraiser came and it was ROCK YOUR FACE OFF AWESOME!  It was a 5 km run.  113 people turned out for the event.   Did you catch that.....ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN PEOPLE SHOWED UP!  Lusaka isn’t very big and that is a MASSIVE turn out!  I just stood at the back of the crowd slacked jawed and blown away by what God is doing.  

Luis and I sat the next day and tried to collect our thoughts on the event.  All we have done is been crazy enough to raise our hands when God asked for volunteers to go to these kids.  We haven’t a single solitary clue...we aren’t “trained” to do this work.  We just know that all God requires is that we have willing and obedient hearts.  Our faith is small at times.  But, what does it say about mustard seeds?  Let me lay it out for you in the MMV (myranda morales version)

If all you have is the faith to lift your foot off the floor, God will show you where to plant it next, then the next step, and before you know it, God is moving and you are just along for the ride of your life.  

So, where does that leave us?

How can you pray and help?

1. We now have a regular team of people who go on the outreaches with us.  We are going to be branching into a second outreach sight soon.   Please pray for unity in the team and that God will continue to teach us how to do this work with wisdom.

2. We need a bus for the outreaches.  It would be super nice to tell kids... “Go to the corner of Independence Avenue at 11 am on tuesdays and you will find the STREETWISE BUS”

There is so much  more I want to tell you about Joe graduating from Teen Challenge and about how we are about to send David and Samford up there.  But that is for another blog. 

There is also so much I want to tell you about STREETWISE CRAFT CO and the birth of a trade school, but again, that is for another blog.  

Keep you eye balls peeled for updates and PLEASE keep praying!!!  Like I always say
“A missionary is only as effective as the prayers that are supporting them”!

Looking forward to seeing as many of you as possible in December when we come back for the holidays!  

LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!