Friday, October 5, 2012

October n Zambia and forgivness

Yesterday I was confronted by our good friend and pastor about a heart issue that I have been struggling with for far to long.

   FORGIVENESS

DUN....DUN...DUUUUUUNNNNNNN

The process in this particular situation has been slow and extremely painful.  I bury it down way deep and believe that I have actually found the freedom of forgiveness then


WHAMO

when I least expect it, it is in my face....I am left clammy handed, anxiety riddles, feeling immensely intimidated.....in short, a royal mess.  Then it all gets pushed down again.  I put on my happy Myranda face and thus begins the process all over again.  

So, out of nowhere Manie confronted me, left me a wreck and frankly a tad pissed (sorry Manie)

THEN.....I went to my weekly bible study.  Can anyone venture a guess on what we discussed?  
Not actually the subject of forgiveness per say,but it got to the heart of the matter non the less.

This is the question that was posed....
"what is the free will offering that you struggle to give to God?"

With stunning clarity only the holy spirit gives a heart it slammed me in the face FORGIVENESS

THe pain and rejection my experiences has caused has become a security blanket.  If I let go does it legitimize or excuse what was done?  NO!  But that has been my fear for longer Than I care to admit.  

Check this out...
Forgiveness doesn't make the hurt ok, it makes my heart ok!!!!  (Beth Moore)

Try this one on for size ....
Unforgiveness is a cancer that, if left untreated, will intimately effect the lives of my children!!!!! 
OUCH!  

I think I will leave you on that note......Let me know your thoughts.  

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