Diary of a Mad Fat White Woman

I have come to the conclusion that I need to loose weight. I am 35 years old, 237 pounds and feel like an old woman.  I don't feel good about my self, don't feel comfortable in my skin and am SICK of being tired all the time. 

My husband, sweet man that he is, has always told me that he "loves me just the way I am".  I shoulda known that was code for "your fat woman deal with it!"  You see, we don't have big mirrors in our house, so I have been walking around for 2.5 years blissfully unaware of the size of my muffin top.  I have always known I am a larger woman, but in recent time have really started to pack on the pounds, although it is amazing what you believe about yourself when you don't have to come face to face with it in a mirror.  Coming to my mom's house for the summer has been a good wake up call for me because the woman has mirrors EVERYWHERE!!!  I can't hide! Also I saw a full body picture of myself that my dad took in April when he came to visit Zambia and I was MORTIFIED you guys!  I couldn't believe it.  At first I was really mad at my husband for not telling me, but then I realized that "DUH YOU DOPE, HE ISN'T GOING TO TELL YOU BECAUSE MAYBE HE REALLY DOES LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE!"

So, as of Friday, July 8, 2011 I have become a bonafide card carrying member of Weight Watchers.

I have learned very quickly that in my journey to loose weight I am going to have to uncover areas of my life that I have used food to pack away.  For example, the other day it was a stressful morning, but as soon as I could, with out a thought in my head, I ran and bought a 1.5 pound bag of Reese's Pieces and proceeded to inhale 3/4 of the dumb thing.  WITHOUT THOUGHT  Then when the bag was empty (I did give my kids some) I had a revelation.  I eat when I am stressed out!!!  Then realized "Myranda, you feel sick!"  It was fun for a moment to eat the candy, but then I payed the price for it the rest of the day when the sugar wore off.  Not to mention that was A LOT of candy.  It sounds trite, don't all women do that?  But it was eye opening for me.  I don't fill the void with Jesus, I fill it with food!  How is that any different from the dude who snorts cocaine or the lady who likes to drink a 5th of vodka? 

So, please pray for me as I need the courage to walk down this path.  Some might call it "Discovery", some "Enlightenment".  I choose to call it "JESUS!!"

Ok, I need to go get ready for my Weight Watchers meeting!!