fishbowl dayz

Somedays I feel like I am living in a fish bowl and everyone is walking by closely examining me and tapping obnoxiously on the bowl.   There are days when that doesn’t bother me so much and days when it gets under my skin and chafes like sand in a bathing suit.  For our purposes we will refer to this as having “fish bowl” days. 

Yesterday I was having a “fishbowl” day.  

Those days when you say “God would it be possible to hit the rewind button and start this day all over again!?”

With out going into all the gory details I got into a “discussion” with a lady in the parking lot of the grocery store who had parked her car badly next to mine and as a result I couldn’t move my car.  She refused to move her car and threatened me if I hit her car.  SERIOUSLY!?  

While the woman was in the wrong to begin with I could have put on my sweet face and gone about my day, but my dang pride go in the way!  UGH!  I hate that dang pride!  

Should I stick my head in the proverbial sand when days like this happen?  While that might be cozy for a bit, after a while don’t you think my head would smell musty? 

Should I tuck myself into bed with a chocolate bar and wait out life until the rapture watching Downton Abbey reruns?  While that sounds lovely I do have three kids to feed.  

The Bible is pretty clear on this point.  

Roman 8:1 says this...

“There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

  PHEW!   God’s view of who I am doesn’t change because I had a bad day!  

HALLELUJAH!  

Romans 8:31

 “What then shall we say to these things, If God is for us who can be against us!!!!”

  

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!  God is for us you guys!  Even when our humanity gets in the way GOD IS FOR US!!!!!!!!!  

Romans 8:35, 37-39

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation or distress or persecution, or famine or nakedness, or danger, or sword?.....IN all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us!  For I am SURE than neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present no things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us form the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord!”

I don't know about you but these words give my heart such peace!  I am rest secure at night knowing that God loves me!  That God is for me and that the morning brings a fresh page.  

If you don't know Christ...........I leave you with this thought.  NOTHING can fill the emptiness!  NO ONE can take the pain away!  NOBODY can give you purpose, value and meaning but Jesus!  He is the answer!  He is what you are searching for!  Give up the fight and let Jesus love you the way you need to be loved!  

temper tantrums and big girls panties

I am grateful that on the days when I don’t “feel” Christlike it doesn’t mean that I am not. 

I am grateful that my walk with Jesus is not based on my emotion of the day or how I FEEL at a certain moment.  

I am MOST grateful for the moments when I am not behaving Christlike that Jesus still loves me!

Psalm 23 says that his rod and his staff comfort me right after he says that he leads me gently beside still waters to restore my soul.  

Correction, care, guidance and mercy.  

There was once a moment when my daughter Brooklyn was 2 years old when I decided to take the kids for a walk.  It was a pleasant day so, off we went.  On our way home Brooklyn decided she didn’t want to walk any more.  She was hot, tired and decided FORGET YOU PEOPLE!  I AM DONE!  So, she threw herself down in the middle of the road and refused to get up.  Our house was in sight, we were about 5 doors down.  I was at a loss because my arms were full of packages and sweaters and all sorts of things that mommies are expected to carry.    I cajoled, I begged, I pleaded, I soothed, but she refused to get up.  So, my only course of action was to grab her under the arm and literally drag her up and force her to walk.  I couldn’t carry her, my arms were full and the other two kids had gone to the house.  So, with determination I dragged my two year old kicking and screaming the rest of the way and we made it!   I couldn’t leave her laying in the middle of the road, she would have gotten smashed to bits. And then our pleasant walk would have been ruined.  

So, with out getting to spiritual about it, heres the deal.  These past few weeks I have been Brooklyn.  Hot, tired and ready for a nap and picking the wrong moment to do so.  Laying down in the road of life and refusing to get up.  Not because I doubt God, not because I have given up on Christ, but simply because I have been tired.  Jesus, because he loves me and knows what is best for me has had to pick me up under the meaty part of my arm and drag me down the road to safer pastures so that I can take a proper rest and I am so grateful that he did!  

This morning I am flooded with the knowledge that Jesus loves me!  I am flooded with the knowledge that NOTHING can separate me from His love and that He knows my name!  This morning I am going to put my big girls panties on and rest in the knowledge that no matter what the goodness and mercy of God follows me all the days of my life and I WILL dwell in the house of the Lord forever!  

A.D.D. cats

Darn you crazy writers block!  

The past few months have been so busy and intense I have barely had time to sit down and blow my nose let alone post blog updates about life in Zambia.  

PHEW!  

Streetwise has grown since last we “spoke”. 

We are still engaged in outreaches on Wednesday nights and hope to extend to another night soon.  

We continue to create signs and small furniture items out of reclaimed wood.  The response to the items has been AMAZING!  We are constantly gobsmacked over the favor God has given us to do this.  It is hard work, but rewarding to be sure! 

The Streetwise Craft Co. portion of the Streetwise venture is seeking to create an environment for the kids on the street to come and learn a skill so that they can go and make a living for themselves.  

SO.....We have moved into a new phase.  We have brought our first student in!  Nicholas Chansa.    As we are still working out of our home, we can only bring in one boy at a time.    Also, and lets be real here, since Luis and I have no clue what we are doing we gotta start small.

We have learned a lot working with Nicholas.   The biggest thing is this......working with drug addicts is like herding A.D.D cats!   This is going to take more than the two of us to be sure if we are to start reaching more kids.  

The phrase that always goes through my mind is “Slow and steady wins the race”.  We can’t approach working with these guys with a blanket plan and expect everyone to fit into the mold.  What works with one kid may not work with the other.  With that in mind, we understand that Streetwise can NEVER EVER be about the numbers and the amount of kids we reach, rather the individuals being reached.  It must and always focus on the individuals heart and the relationship that we establish with them.  Through those relationship we believe that they will begin to see a picture of the way God loves them and then hearts change for eternity!    We have seen it in Joe’s life, now in Davids, and are beginning to see glimmers in Nicholas!  (he has been drug free for a month and is attempting to rebuild his relationships with his family) 

In another post I hope to tell you more about Nicholas and what God is doing in him. but for now, will you pray? 

For unity between Luis and myself and that we keep our eyes on Jesus and he leads this ministry 

For people to come along side and get involved in the outreaches and the day to day workings?

We NEED a store front to work out of........that will become the hub of Streetwise....then I can have my dining room back.  That is going to take money.......

We need a second car......our poor hooptie is on her last legs and we need to give her a proper send off.....

DO YOU GUYS WANNA COME OVER AND CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELVES!?  Your life will never be the same again!  Thats a promise! 

Demolition...

2 Corinthians 10:5

 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Myranda's definition of DEMOLISH.......

to annihilate thoroughly with extreme prejudice.

How do I annihilate with extreme prejudice the arguments and pretensions that set themselves up in my mind against the knowledge of God?  

Well first, I need to know what they are?  How do I know that?  I gotta keep my little white freckled nose in the word of God.  His word is my plumb line for everything!  

Here is a good scripture for that...

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Here are some conclusions that God has been helping me come to.

1. Drive and passion and zeal will only get you so far.  I think that tank for me has had to run on empty because I have to trust only in the grace and power of God to accomplish what he has called us to do.  God, in his ABUNDANT LOVE FOR ME has to get me to that point so I can say "Look at what God is doing!!!!"  All glory MUST go to Jesus!  (Abraham and Sarah Baby!!!)

2. It is posible to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ because IT SAYS IT IN SCRIPTURE, therefore it is possible.  WHAMO, plain and simple.  My thought life defines who I am.  Is my thought life lining up with Philippians 4:8?  What is in there will come out!  I can and must make sure every area of my life brings honor and glory to Jesus

3. When I am tired that is when the battle rages the hardest, but, if I take God at his word and stand still to see his salvation, to hide myself under the shadow of His wings.....He WILL fight for me....He WILL give me the ability to take every thought captive!  

musings on a dysfunctional family

I take heart from the fact that Abraham probably had many moments in his journey where in his heart he was like "WHAT WAS I THINKING!?"  

Scripture speaks so much about how Abraham was a friend of God and that his faith was credited to him for righteousness.  No question, he obeyed God to the fullest extent of his abilities, and then some.....but lately I have been struck by Abraham's humanness.  I have always had an impression in my mind of this great stoical un shakable giant.....but have never considered the boo boo's he made....might I be so bold as to suggest that he was actually a ninny!

I mean, come on, what kind of husband sells his wife out to a creepy king as his sister to save his own skin.  NOT ONCE BUT TWICE!   DORK!

He slept with his wife's maid!  DUMB! Not his smartest move....

Then lets consider Sarah in all this.....

She was ripped from all that was normal to her simply because her husband said so....no explanation, no understanding, she just had to pack up and go.   I would be like "I don't think so chancho!  You better do some splainin!"

She was sold out by her husband to a creepy king that thought she was a hottie, NOT ONCE BUT TWICE!

She was sick of wandering around waiting for a promise from a faceless God so she nagged her husband into sleeping with her maid to have the whole thing done and over with.  ( that one came back to bite her in the haunches time and time again)

Lets not even talk about the shame she must have felt about not being able to have a child.


And yet God never ever took his promise away from them.  He knew that in Abraham's heart he wanted to follow God no matter what.  He never gave up, even when in all seemed hopeless and pointless.  He never stopped listening to God and believing that God can and will do what he promises, despite the mistakes Abraham made along the way.    He never stopped putting one foot in front of the other even though at many times he couldn't see the point.  Deep down in his heart there was an assurance that God had placed him on this path, and God will fulfill his promises!

Did Abraham have moments of saying "GOD CAN THIS BE OVER NOW I HAVE HAD ENOUGH?"    I am sure.....

Did Sarah have moments of saying "GOD WHAT ON EARTH ON YOU DOING DRAGGING ME OUT HERE WITH THIS CRAZY MAN!?"  I am sure.....

BUT!  They didn't quit.....and scripture has this to say of them...

Hebrews 11:8-12
⁸ By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. ⁹ By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. ¹⁰ For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. ¹¹ And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she^[b] considered him faithful who had made the promise. ¹² And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.


God didn't look at the mistakes that Sarah and Abraham made and say "FORGET YOU!  YOU PEOPLE ARE TO MUCH WORK!"  No, he saw their hearts and knew that they wanted more than anything to see the plan of God fulfilled and knew that they believed God, despite all the frustrations, trials and boo-boo's.  I think he simply had to wait until Abraham and Sarah were put in a place of having to give all glory to God.  At that point there was no way they could take credit for any thing.  All human effort was totally exhausted and dead.

Don't even believe the lie that God is finished with you!  Don't ever believe the lie that because you have blown in that he won't accept you back!

GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE LOVES YOU!  God saw Abraham and Sarah as righteous.....he sees you the same way!!!!!!!

did i spell "quandrie" right?

Up at 3 am again......Probably not a good idea to take a comma inducing sleep aide at 8 pm. Shoulda waited the one more hour.   JET LAG YOU ARE MY NEMESIS!

But the up side to this is having the house all to myself perfectly still and quiet.  Alone with my thoughts and Jesus.

I had a good chat with a friend yesterday about life and all its quandries.  Here was the question that we were asking ourselves.  

Do we let our quandries define us or do we allow God to use those quandries

 to define more of Jesus in our lives?

   

(quandry is fun to say) 

Hurt and pain happen, its a fact.  Sometimes the hardest thing about life is dealing with the people in it. Feel me?    Misunderstandings happen, abuses happen, lies are told and manipulations occur.   And its all relative to ones experiences and where they are in life.   What hurts me might not you, and vise versa.

Do we sweep things under the rug and pretend they didn't happen?  OF COURSE NOT!   Sweep enough under there and you have a lumpy rug that you will trip on all the time.

Do we lash out at the one who caused the pain in an attempt to make them see how badly we are hurting.  (I speak from experience that DOESN'T WORK!)

From my own experience I can say this....God fights for those he calls his own!  When we stand still in the presence of God and allow his healing balm to cover our wounds, he fights for us!  TRULY HE DOES!  He turns our ashes into something beautiful and true worship comes.   He gives us the opportunity to confront if necessary and the right words come.

I just recently had an experience where I saw this play out beautifully in my own life.  I had been hurt in one of those raw life altering ways.  It sent me into a tail spin for quit some time and I wrestled with God.  My prayers were

"God I know that what I am feeling isn't ok, but you gotta help me!  I don't wanna be bitter and angry!  JESUS HELP!"  

And BOOM, out of no where I was allowed an opportunity that was God ordained for me to confront the issue.  It was done in love, but firm.  I was able to say what was on my heart with out being hurtful or angry.  I was able to hear the other person's heart and forgiveness and mercy ruled the day.

Back in Zambia for 2014

Back in Zambia and my head is spinning...literally....jet lag is a butt kicker!   Thank you Jesus for Stilnox. (an amazingly rock your face off sleep aid).  I think the person who invented this wonder drug MUST BE a born again Spirit filled lead by the Holy Ghost Christian.  THEY ARE AWESOME! 

We left Lusaka at the end of November, hot and ultra sweaty and landed in NYC to brisk cold winds.  What an assault on the senses!  I had to teach Brooklyn how to put on a coat and tie a scarf properly.  The child had no clue.  She balked at having to wear closed toed shoes.  I have a particulary vivid memory of her, mear days after our arrival, sitting down in the middle of Target moaning that she wanted to take her shoes off and me trying vainly to explain that it isn’t ok to run around barefoot in the Rockaway, NJ shopping complex.   

In Africa it is shoes optional.  No one looks at you crossed eyed like you are the redneckednest of mothers if your kid is in the store barefoot.  Oh the difficult life of a missionary kid! 

I have wrestled and wrestled with how to put into words this next section, lest you think that I am having a crisis of the soul or am  doubting God cause thats not the case AT ALL!

When we arrived in the States the cry of my heart was 

OH GOD YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME SOMETHING TO HOLD ONTO OR I CANNOT GET BACK ON THAT PLANE!!!!

At the TSC volunteers banquet I wept in the presence of God like I haven't in a long time when the choir sang about our weakness and God's strength.  About how God sees us right where we are at and will never loose sight. 

Pastor Carter preached a message about Jesus being wrapped in weakness as a baby that left me trembling in my soul at the amazing humility of God.  You have to listen to it!!!

I stood in line at the TSC Christmas dinner helping serve roasted potatoes and many of you told me that you pray for our family.  THAT MEANS THE WORLD!!!!!

I watched several young people that I had influences on in one way or another when they were kids standing on the stage and worshiping God with all their hearts.  God gently spoke to my heart "There will always be fruit!"

Several other moments God gently spoke to me in a still small voice that we are pointed in the right direction and it came at the right moment.  

Are we allowed to get to the moments of OH GOD I CAN'T ANYMORE so that we are reminded that it doesn't have a thing to do with us?  

Hidden in the shadow of the wings of God is where we should be found.  If our hearts desire is to dwell in the house of God, our plans and our abilities fade into the back ground.  The load becomes a bit lighter.  And it is in that place that the sacrifices he asks of us make sense.  

My prayer for all of us in this coming year is that we be found hidden in the cleft of the rock of God's love and mercy.  That when war is raged on our souls we will be confident in God's word and in ability to carry us through with a song in our hearts.  

Psalm 27

¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked advance against me
    to devour^[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
    my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
    even then I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
    and set me high upon a rock.

⁶ Then my head will be exalted
    above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
    I will sing and make music to the Lord.

⁷ 

¹³ I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.